The Ghost In The Machine

I was just thinking. Have you ever felt disconnected from the rest of the world? Felt like no one understood you so you were discounted as being a part of the human race? You feel invisible. You strive to find a single person that can understand your complexity or your simplicity to no avail. So you're left feeling abnormal, a pariah and in essence a ghost in the machine. Again this is me understanding. I'm among the complex of you. My analytical skills, logic and even my speech to the average person is atypical. To them I'm either thrusting unwanted and unintelligible wit at them or just being difficult. I've often found that defense of myself only leads to further complications. I can also empathize with the simple of you. Not meant to be taken in the derogatory sense but just those of you who aren't at all complex. I can see where the average person can misunderstand you also. We as people tend to be unbelieving of things that are too good to be true. If you're just that easy to figure out then something else must be wrong with you. The need to add more to you is almost irresistible. Aside from the feelings of ostracism and abject loneliness, you question your own propensity in dealing with others. Is this something you unconsciously do to ward off the natives? Are you really everything they say you are or aren't? Well only you can answer those questions. The only thing I can tell you that in my experiences I found that when I remain true to myself, I'm happier. Along the way I've found people who may not completely understand me but they respect who I am. I also have found people who don't understand me and I repel them like opposing magnets. That's the beauty of interpersonal relationships, we aren't the same. We weren't meant to be. In accepting that we're allowed to be ourselves and embrace our differences. I suspect that one day you will come across a person or persons of your kind. Who understands you more so than anyone ever has. It is my hope that one day you will look up and find someone looking at YOU and loving every bit of you. Someone that awes you in their similarities to yourself. In that you will no longer be the ghost in the machine.

Do You See What I See?

I was just thinking. Have you ever been at a place in your life where you look in the mirror and seriously dislike the person you see? Whether it's because you don't like your appearance or because you dislike yourself as a person or something you've done. I know what that feels like. To sit and stare at a person you barely know. Too fat, too skinny, not living right or I really shouldn't have done that. I've been there. Looking at the unrecognizable person staring back at you. Unsuccessfully struggling to see what others saw and filled with self loathing because little in your life is right. Wondering what to do to somehow inject a little beauty into your features, your future, your life. Whether male or female, child or adult, we all have beauty. There is something about us as an individual that is like no one else. A look, a laugh, a thought process, a walk or that little thing that you do that causes someone else to smile outwardly or inwardly. We have all heard the terms "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or one man's trash is another man's treasure" but have you ever thought about exactly what they mean? To be only as beautiful as the person who's looking at you sees you or to have little worth to one person and mean the world to another. I'm saying that to say this, what you see when you stare at yourself may not be what someone else sees. What you find so reprehensible about yourself someone else may adore. That thing that you did...guess what. For ALL have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (Romans 3:23). Even the most beautiful, the most self-satisfied and the most righteous of people are not without sin. Yes God wants us to turn from sin and choose him but you weren't discounted nor disqualified as his beautiful creation because you sinned. I'm not here to deliver a sermon. Just an empathetic person who is writing about something you've thought of in part or wholly. Be we man or woman we all have a certain amount of vanity. We want to be attractive. Most of us aren't greedy, we don't require drop dead gorgeous just...attractive. Someone once said I was beautiful. I believed they thought so but I had to say "I don't see what you see." I was told that I didn't need to, all I had to do is trust that what they saw they could never see in another. From that day to this one it's awe inspiring knowing that someone sees something that surpasses my copious sight. If that is true for me then it is a logical assumption that I am not the first nor will I be the last to have such an experience. With that in mind, the next time you find yourself staring at your reflection in search of beauty just ask yourself...Do you see what I see?