Some Kind Of Way

Well let me begin by saying that the title holds significant meaning for me right now. It is how I'm feeling. Have you ever had feelings that you can't explain? Or that you didn't even want to? Like your brain already concedes the fact that no words that your mouth can utter will resonate in any ear that could possibly understand. You might be saying that this a a glorified way of saying I'm depressed. In a sense I guess you're right. In another...that doesn't nearly cover it. It's kind of heavy. Being bombarded with so many different emotions. Love, dissappointment, excitement, self-loathing, happiness and sadness. It's like standing on an extremely narrow ledge in unpredictable high winds. Fall backwards to your death or forward into happiness and purpose. You just don't which way the wind will blow and it's the not knowing that's so maddening. As a believer in the teachings of Christ, I believe that "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them." (Roman 8:28) Knowing that whatever I'm feeling and whatever I'm going through is for my good and that I have the best comforter I could possibly have as I make these transitions make it tolerable. He knows my heart is heavy. He knows of the tears shed and unshed and as I lay with my head in his lap telling Him how I feel, I know that it may not be today nor tomorrow but it will be alright. If I faint not. I've come to accept that happiness may not be mine to claim in this lifetime. I have a charge to keep and a God to glorify and He has said that His grace is sufficient. None of this is new to Him. The phrase "Been there, done that" comes to mind. As I pray, knowing that He knows and that He loves me in spite of my fear and doubt makes me love Him even more. You may or may not be able to relate to any of this. I guess this was more for me. I am no preacher and that is not the purpose for this literary for work. It's how I choose to express myself. It's my therapy for when I'm feeling "Some Kind Of Way."