An Answered Question

An Answered Question


Lord this can't be all, what should I be doing?

I gave you a gift child bless them with your writing
in their hearts keep My Word enticing.
Let them know that in their mess I am perfection
A sharp needle holding the ultimate truth injection.
It may cause pain but it's good for their health
to lead them into My Grace and it's immeasurable wealth.
I am not a God here to appease
They should heed my words and seek me humbly on their knees.
Ros on a testimony you are sitting
Do you know how many are where you were and on the verge of quitting?
I gave you light so let it shine
Go tell one and all that you are mine.
Just like you, I have a plan for their life
A hope and a future not just pain and strife.
For some listening, this may sound odd
But I am indeed a jealous God.
I am second to their children, their spouse and their job
And on Sunday the first One in the collection plate they rob.
Nothing nor anyone should come before I
Nothing came before them, I sent my only Son to die!
For them I sent Him to a grave
A ransom for them, their souls to save.
I make all things possible, they just can't see
They would have none of this without My Grace and unfailing mercy.
Even though they don't deserve it, I extend it anyway
But rest assured the undeserving will miss it one day.
Those in Me be encouraged, never tire of doing what is good
Know that some will stray and not do as they should.
Because of me, for you they will have hate
Their perversions, lusts and sin they only wish to sate.
I am The Alpha, The Omega, The Great I Am
From a bush I provided a Ram.
So go forth and proclaim Me to one and all
If a door closes in your face, praise Me in the hall.
Praise me with the cymbal, praise Me with the dance
If you'd only seek Me you'd realize I'm the God of another chance.

A.W.O.L.

It's a shame that I can only write when I'm either very happy or very sad. As I think about it further, it's not really much of a shame. In conversation I mostly speak when I have something to say, writing isn't all that different. I write best when I have something to say.

I was just thinking about people. How easily some seem to desert you. I guess I'm currently, mostly thinking of it from my own point of view. Being emotionally or physically abandoned doesn't produce happy, happy joy, joy feelings. Having dealt with it in one form or another throughout my life, when such things present themselves, it's not as surprising as it is unexpected. Which by definition is the same. I just mean no one expects for people who profess to care about them to suddenly just leave without warning.
Feelings of hurt and anger are first to present themselves. Me being who I am try to rationalize and do my best to remain objective. I just don't understand. Then again I don't inhabit the thoughts of the other person. Maybe for them their actions are perfectly justifiable. Maybe they are. I just don't think that abandoning the people you care about should be a viable option. Then again what do I know. I'm divorced. I was the one who left. In my mind, I had very good reasons. My ex may tell a different tale. It may even sound a lot like this one.
I whole heartedly believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. I often place their feelings ahead of my own. My mistake is thinking that they think I'm worth the same. Thinking logically, there is no way to keep score on these types of things. I did it last time, it's your turn! I've done it twice as much as you have!! Sounds silly, no? But don't most of us want that? Someone who will reciprocate our own feelings and actions. Our mistake is thinking that what we're feeling and/or doing is perceived as "good."
I think women are more affected by desertion than men are. I mean no one wants it but women feel it in a way that I don't think men are capable of. We were made this way. We were taken from man not the other way around. We depend on them to make us feel special, beautiful, and loved. To make us feel like women. A heavy order for a lot of men. I feel bad for them really. I'll go out on a limb and say most women can't control their emotionality. It governs them like the steering wheel on a car. I don't know what that's like. I won't pretend that I don't get emotional but I tend to think over most of what I say and do when I'm feeling that way.
As always I don't have have any answers. My automatic response to being abandoned is to let them. I don't entertain any illusions of grandeur but I have worth. So what am I saying? Nothing yet something. Thoughts, feelings healing in print. One of the many versus in the bible I take literally is "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12 NIV) My problem is accepting people doing things to me that I would never do to them. Of course I have no control over what people do, all of this just makes me think twice before going absent without leave.

If

If

If life were a thought, I'd have many
If thoughts were money, I'd have a penny
All my thoughts tend to be of you
A multitude of memories to gaze at anew

If words were luck I'd have none
If words were a race, I'd be done
No amount of words can express what I feel
You can't convince me that it isn't real

If love were a lightening bug, I'd shine bright
If a lightening bug were a star, I'd light up the night
Love is something that should never be hidden
But more like a thoroughbred born to be ridden
 
If time were water, I'd be an ocean
If an ocean could commit, I'd show you my devotion
A drop of water for every second I breathe
To prove that in you, in this, I believe

If you were the air, I'd be a breeze
If you were a nose I'd be a sneeze
If you were music, I'd be a song
If you were a fork, I'd be a prong
If you were sleep, I'd be a dream
If you were thread, I'd be a seam
If you were a hand, I'd be a touch
If you were china, I'd be a hutch
All of these things go so well with the other
Like a kid sister with a protective big brother
Hold up, wait a minute, I changed gears
Creative expression of my feelings could take years
There are things inside me that'd be better expressed by a mime
Which is why took my time and wrote it and put it to rhyme
Sometimes theres nothing like seeing a person's love
To send another heart soaring to the heavens above

Hallelujah Anyhow

When my life seems as if it filled with gaps
I envision myself at Your feet my head on Your lap.
My heart is heavy, my knees are bent
Your hands are on my head and You tell me Your grace is sufficient.
Because of my love for you I was willing to die
So rest easy my daughter, there's no need to cry.
For I will be with you when all others are gone
As long as you walk with me, you're never alone.
Lord I'm tired, this is such a difficult task
Child I can do exceedingly and abundantly more than you can think or ask.
Yes Lord, to your will, your way I yield
My daughter I'll be your portion, your strength, your shield.
Thanks for the talk Lord, I feel better now
It's not over, I'm not finished but hallelujah anyhow.

In My Feelings

I was just thinking, why is it that I mostly write when I feel a certain kind of way. A shame really since I do enjoy it. It's just hard for me to write when I have nothing to say. However, today was not that kind of day. With that being said...

I sit here with my mind weaving in and out of so many things,
fighting loneliness and being serenaded by the ocean and 2 Kings.
I'm fighting a losing battle and though I know it won't last,
I want to feel like me again quickly, expeditiously, yes even fast.
Like the waves crashing in the background I feel torn apart,
as empty as the Tin Man who only wanted a heart.
Why is it that right now I feel so alone?
Each day I wake hoping to set a new tone.
I dislike these times but I understand why they must be.
I step back, take a deep breath and take a thorough look at me.
Why am I here and what should I do?
So many questions that begin with what, why and who.
Today there was rain, tomorrow will be shine,
I know because the Son illuminates this heart of mine!
So I do what can only be done kneeling,
when these times come and I'm in my feelings.

The Constant Gardener

I was just thinking...it's been a while since I've written anything. I've been asked but I find that I have to write about what I know. Mostly personal experiences that people can relate to. Any other day I wouldn't have considered today to be a good day. The weather is foul and due to the weather my 20 minute commute to and from work turned into an hour going and an hour and a half returning. It would seem that I am becoming a mule at work. Now all of this may seem like a complaint BUT today was one of THE BEST days! I heard spoken today that once you start living in the love of Christ, everything else becomes so trivial. I'm not here to talk about my day though. I said all that only because my day was an inspiration to this writing. The things that were fed to me during the course of my day gave me inspiration and motivation. So without further ado. I was thinking how so much like flowers we are. How external factors can limit our growth. How beautiful but delicate we are. Some grow in the wild but the ones that are part of a garden or nursery are the most cherished. We all need the same things to survive. Food, water, the Son. No, I didn't misspell it. It's all relative. I wondered at how sometimes you start off with flowers you consider friends but as you start blossoming, they seem to disappear. Then I thought, that's part of the gardener's job, to pull weeds. Weeds stifle growth. They steal essential nutrients leaving the flower to slowly wilt and eventually die. A loving gardner could never allow this. Wildflowers use their own devices. If there is no one pulling the weeds, they will take over. Some flowers are fooled because some weeds have pretty petals and come in the guise of a fellow flower. However, the gardener knows a flower from a weed. There isn't a flower alive that doesn't require water. We often look at rain as a bad thing but without it, it would be impossible to appreciate the Son. Without rain we couldn't reach full maturity so that healthy seedlings can come forth from us and be scattered to the four winds to create healthy new flowers. When the Son shines on us, we stretch toward the heavens in anticipation but by night our roots burrow deeper and deeper into the earth. We must be mindful not to become so deeply rooted in the earth that the gardener becomes displeased with what's growing. There is so much love, time and effort that the gardener gives his garden. When strong winds come and leave you leaning he stands you back up and gives you what you need to brave the next wind. He protects you from all that might prey on you. You are covered by the strongest pesticide there is. As many varieties and colors of flowers, the gardener always knows which are his. As flowers go we aren't meant to live forever. We're here for the pleasure of the gardener. We were meant to be plucked.

A Flight Of Fancy

I was just thinking about the symbolism of a feather in the wind. It's a beautiful thing to watch, how the slightest breeze elevates it one second and the lack of a breeze causes it's descent the next. How the changes in the wind direction causes an intricate aerial ballet to ensue. But there is another aspect to consider. That feather was once a part of a collective whole. Something magnificent. Now there is separation. By chance or purposely set apart. As life goes things happen. Change is inevitable. I can appreciate the beauty of it's flight but it's a lonely one. Everything has a natural inclination to be a part of or belong to something bigger than itself. To be accepted. To be loved. Apart it's still somewhat functional even though it's not performing it's original purpose. There is a loveliness to it's solo but as dances go, it's so much more alluring with a partner. A leader and a follower in a series steps and maneuvers creating a divine soiree. Of course missteps are bound to happen but with correction and practice, they grow. Together. Not many want to face the multitude alone. To stumble and sometimes fall with no one there to pick it up or utter words of encouragement. I concede that I'm only speaking from my own frame of reference. Maybe the feather feels a sense of freedom. Like a newly released prisoner in control of it's own fate. Maybe the mass was too much and it now wants to exercise it's own individuality. Maybe it doesn't grasp the concept of "it's not all about you." Carefully thought out it should realize that it still has no control over itself. It's new master is the wind and it's subject to go wherever the winds blows it. So wasn't it better when it had camaraderie? When there were others who understood? At least it wasn't alone. We as people aren't often born into our purpose. We have to find our way. Enduring windless seasons and enjoying moments where we can let our proverbial kites fly. The relationships we form along the way empower us to learn and grow. Even negative relationships allow us to ascertain things about ourselves as well as others. God Himself decreed that "It is not good that the man should be alone" in Genesis 2:18. We were made to love and interact with each other. Yes there are times of loneliness but we don't have to be alone in it. Shared experiences trumps solo flights of fancy.

If I Said I Love You

If I said I love you that fact would you concede or would I have to cut my wrists and let you watch me slowly bleed?

If I told you my innermost secrets, would you use them as ammunition or would you smile in acceptance and feed my ambition?

If to you I confessed all my imperfections would I be met with haughty indignation or would you take me in your arms and lift me to a new station?

If I gave you my body would you use it for a night and fall asleep or would you treasure, pleasure, fill it and then claim it as yours to keep?

If I gave you all that I had even if that all was me, would you willingly accept it or cast it into the sea?

If before your eyes I turned old, worn and grey, would you love me as much then as you do today?

If my happiness was yours and yours was mine, would that be enough or would you seek the beauty of a totally different design?

I ask all these questions just because..."if" is the biggest small word there ever was.

When I Love You Isn't Enough

I was just thinking, what do you say when I love you isn't enough? When it by no far stretch of the imagination covers what you're feeling and experiencing. It's funny when I think of three words that are seriously misused...it's those three words. Sometimes people mean I like you, sometimes they mean I want to sleep with you and sometimes it's simply a response to the "I love you" that preceded it. I'm not questioning any one's ability or inability to know what they're feeling. This is not at all about that. It's about those words being used so often with so little meaning behind them they've become as common as saying "Hello, how are you" to a passer by. You don't really mean for them to tell you how they are it's just polite. So what words do you use? How do you explain how adjectives such as beautiful and kind comes to mind when you think of that person? How it seems like every two minutes something reminds you of them so they are always on your mind? How your heart beats faster but there is calmness within you with each thought of them? When the most valuable thing you have is yourself and you give yourself to that person wholeheartedly? How do you explain the connection your body has to theirs and how it craves to be near theirs? How there is a kinship like no other between the two of you? How one of the greatest pleasures you experience is seeing them smile? And even though they happen when they are having a bad day it saddens your heart? How simple things such as holding your hand comforts you like nothing else? How you want to share and make new experiences with them? How you so desperately want to show them just how special they are to you? How just the thought of not having them around is unconscionable? How their inner beauty is so blinding that it manifests itself outwardly and they are physically the most appealing person you have ever seen? How much you long to stand in their arms on moonlit beaches and kiss like there is no tomorrow? How they know you as no one ever has? How they are the last thought before you fall asleep and your first thought in the morning? Why you call every morning because you want their voice to be the first one you hear? How you don't want to waste a single moment of the time you spend together? How even though you can talk to them indefinitely, you don't because you know they have other obligations. How you value their opinion and desire their approval? How they invoke in you a selflessness like you've never experienced before? How awe inspiring and intelligent you find them? How their love for God attracts you even more? What summation do you give to all these things? I hope you didn't continue reading this to discover an answer to that question because I don't have one. All I can tell you is that when I try to think of what to say that would let him know all the things he means and is to me...I love you isn't enough.

Tragic Inevitability

I recently came across this song of Lalah Hathaway's. As I listened to some of the words I thought to myself...girl you feelin' me! But it was not so much the words of this song that compelled me to pen and paper but the words in the title. Tragic Inevitability. I took it upon myself to educate myself on the meaning of these words. Webster's dictionary defines them as follows: Tragic - regrettably serious or unpleasant: deplorable, lamentable. Inevitable - incapable of being avoided or evaded. So I summarized that the title meant that there was an unpleasant situation that was unable to be avoided. I thought to myself...wow...and this entry took on a new direction for me. What was initially meant to be a look at beauty will end up addressing the beast. I am in no way making despairing remarks toward anyone, I'm merely saying that what comes to mind isn't pleasant. Not for me anyway. So here's the gist of this rambling. In the interim between the birth of a relationship and the death of the same relationship there are many emotional changes. Sometimes there are many years between that birth and death but for me...not so much. I keeping asking myself how I got here. I mean I know all the factors that caused the death but as time passes I find it harder to see the reason for the birth. Do two people really change that much? My intellect tells me that the person I am currently dealing with is the person that has always been there. I just chose not to see it. It forces me to accept 75% responsibility for the initial misconceptions. You can't fault someone for being themselves. Especially you've had glimpse (no matter how long ago it was) of who or what that person really is. Which is why I believe if a person shows you who they really are...you should believe them. But I also believe that people can change and with those contradictions, I guess I now know which belief took precedence. This is so not a bashing session. Not even bashing myself. I feel the need to keep reiterating that. It's all about feelings and trying to come to terms of how I came to be at this particular juncture and what it means. I feel a certain amount of sadness. Not for the decisions I've made that have brought me here but for a death. The death of something that was supposed to mean something. It wasn't even a slow death but a cold, swift, calculated death. I guess most people would argue that they would prefer a quick death over one where there is suffering. I can't say that I don't agree. But death is death and being clothed in flesh there is a certain sadness to it. I find that I am once again questioning my ability and likeliness to be loved. That statement weighs heavily on my mind with the sheer pathetic way of how it sounds. It's not as it sounds though. It's just me accepting how and why I feel the way I do. I see myself as a scarred, flawed, wounded and weary being. One who loves fiercely, one who is loyal long after sense and sensibility demand that I stop and one who loves laughter so my sense of humor can be uncanny. With all of this I don't see a person worthy of being or having love. That I even tried seems foolish to me now. Do not misunderstand me. I believe that you should love your neighbor as yourself and practice it and I believe that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son and I love me!!! I still wholeheartedly believe in love. I just no longer believe that the particular love I am speaking of was meant for me in this life. The Lord said his grace is sufficient. I'm all over that. It's just that sometimes it's saddening that things have to be this way. So when emotions are raw and I just...need, here is my prayer.
Lord I do not know the plan you have for my life but I do know that it's perfect. In moments of weakness and despair I'm so glad that here in this little room you wrap your arms around me as I cry. All the while wiping my tears and telling me that everything will be alright. For comforting me in spite of my scars, flaws, fears and tears. For dwelling within the broken and broken-hearted. For lending Your strength when mine is failing. For being who You are. For loving me first and unconditionally. For giving Your Son so that I may live and not die. I pray that You use me in a way that will forever glorify You. I thank You for Your patience and understanding as I decrease and You increase.
So the tragic inevitability of it all is that in the end, maybe things are just as they were meant to be.

Frame Of Reference

I was just thinking. I was recently involved in a conversation that at first didn't anger me as much as it upset me. We've all had conversations on topics that we feel as if we're being made to justify or defend ourselves. It's not a good feeling. Matters are even more difficult when you've made yourself clear on how you feel about this matter countless times. Maybe the person you're conversing with doesn't drop the gauntlet and issue an outright challenge. That's not usually how it works. It's usually done through innuendos. Implications that suggest things aren't as you say they are. As if you've already been tried and convicted in the court of the other person's mind. This may not be meant in a hurtful manner but it no less has you in a state of...why? As I sat contemplating this very thing, I came to realize that most people can only perceive things from their own frame of reference. In simpler terms they base your experiences, beliefs or whatever the situation may be on their own experiences, beliefs etc. If they were placed (or already have been) in the same scenario as you are currently in, what they would (or have done) takes center stage. Our emotions can run very deeply about certain things. It's possible to feel so strongly about something that only your reaction to it seems feasible. The concept of individuality is lost. And you know what?...I get it. A desire to feel a connection to the rest of the world. A sense of belonging. Like your feelings and life are not so foreign to everyone else's. There is no thought requirement. You already know how you would feel and what our reaction would be. I get it but I don't agree with it. We are all different. We experience things differently. Our experiences may share certain similarities but we each have one or more little nuances that make us...different. We may break off into little sub-cultures where we "click" with those who have many similarities as ourselves but even in those sub-cultures you will find differences. I'm not at all saying that one person is better or worse than the next. Just trying to make sense of human nature. In doing so I can only appreciate differences. I have a better understanding of why people are as they are. It makes me conscientious that I'm not judging others from my own frame of reference.

Some Kind Of Way

Well let me begin by saying that the title holds significant meaning for me right now. It is how I'm feeling. Have you ever had feelings that you can't explain? Or that you didn't even want to? Like your brain already concedes the fact that no words that your mouth can utter will resonate in any ear that could possibly understand. You might be saying that this a a glorified way of saying I'm depressed. In a sense I guess you're right. In another...that doesn't nearly cover it. It's kind of heavy. Being bombarded with so many different emotions. Love, dissappointment, excitement, self-loathing, happiness and sadness. It's like standing on an extremely narrow ledge in unpredictable high winds. Fall backwards to your death or forward into happiness and purpose. You just don't which way the wind will blow and it's the not knowing that's so maddening. As a believer in the teachings of Christ, I believe that "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them." (Roman 8:28) Knowing that whatever I'm feeling and whatever I'm going through is for my good and that I have the best comforter I could possibly have as I make these transitions make it tolerable. He knows my heart is heavy. He knows of the tears shed and unshed and as I lay with my head in his lap telling Him how I feel, I know that it may not be today nor tomorrow but it will be alright. If I faint not. I've come to accept that happiness may not be mine to claim in this lifetime. I have a charge to keep and a God to glorify and He has said that His grace is sufficient. None of this is new to Him. The phrase "Been there, done that" comes to mind. As I pray, knowing that He knows and that He loves me in spite of my fear and doubt makes me love Him even more. You may or may not be able to relate to any of this. I guess this was more for me. I am no preacher and that is not the purpose for this literary for work. It's how I choose to express myself. It's my therapy for when I'm feeling "Some Kind Of Way."

Transient

Born into a world filled with sin.
Born into a world that serves the jinn.

Feeling like a stranger here, as if I don't belong.
It will get better I tell myself, hold on, be strong.

Restless and weary walking seemingly alone.
Hopes, dreams and purpose all but gone.

Desperately needing something real and true.
Knowing in my soul that not just anything will do.

Feeling lost and as lowly as dirt.
Bound in shackles, wounded and hurt.

No refuge, no home, no one who cares.
Only emptiness, hunger and uninterested stares.

Hidden in darkness, it's void my shroud.
Living with a quiet that is so deafeningly loud.

...And then Jesus came into that life.

Born again into a world exciting and new.
Born again into a world where I give God His due.

Jesus saved me and now I'm free.
His faithfulness and mercy every day I see.

In Him I have found a resting place.
The unconditional love of Christ so full of grace.

Blessed with a light I can not hide,
no longer hidden in darkness but in His word I abide.

Famished no more He made sure I was fed.
To Him and His church I am blissfully wed.

All that the enemy stole from me has been returned and more.
And I am patiently waiting for all the Master has in store.

No longer a wanderer in this insidious land,
but I walk with Jesus and on a rock I stand.

The promise of heaven is the ultimate perk,
if I follow Jesus and do His work.

I've come to realize that what I was feeling was true.
I am a transient here...just passing through.

Mountain Of Why

Why in times of sadness, despair and pain do I think of you with me on shores my feet have never touched and places my head has never lain?

Why is it when I look in my mirror I see you? Why do I know when you look in yours you see me too?

Why is that not all the mirror reflects? It reveals we see in each other what others neglect.

Why is my life so similar to yours and yours to mine? Why does your opinion mean more to me than I can comprehend, explain or define?

Why with one kind word do you have the knack to fill the void of the many things my life lacks?

Why is it that with just one thought of you, should I feel like a beautiful spring morning with a layer of fresh dew?

Why is it when it comes to you I'm so conflicted? Like trying to walk through a gate clearly marked restricted.

Why between us is there such understanding, acceptance and heat when in my lifetime this hasn't been an ordinary feat?

Why are jokes between us so funny and remain so for days? Why can I see the real you and feel nothing less than amazed?

Why with them are differences nearly impossible to mend, when we have in each other someone we can always call friend?

Why are we who are as simple as a field of daisies, predetermined to attracting people who are self-absorbed, over complicated and crazy?

Why is it that out of all the people in the world, you're most like me except you're not a girl?

Why is it that as sure as I am a girl and you are a guy, will there always be a mountain of why?

Fair I See

Watch your toes! I thought about this one for a while. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I thought about how it may offend some but encourage others and I came to the conclusion that if I can encourage someone along life’s highway, isn’t that one of the things our Father sent us all to do. If you are offended I apologize and ask for your forgiveness but I implore you to examine why.
How fair do you see? It is a question we should all ask ourselves. It seems that it is much easier to find fault in others than it is to find it within ourselves. We are so quick to judge and appoint blame. We rationalize our sins. Had it not been for this I would not have done that. Sin is not an effect it is a choice. However our neighbor is judged by a different standard than ourselves. I heard this saying that wisdom is having a whole lot to say but not saying it. Proverbs 29:11 says: “A fool vents all his feelings but a wise man holds them back.” Matthew 7:1-2 says this: “Judge not that you may not be judged. For with that judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will measured back to you.” Jesus is simply saying this. Whatever method you use to judge then that is the method that will be used to judge you. Jesus said in Matthew 7:3-5: “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Let me remove the speck from your eye; and look a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” How foolish is it for us to say “I did this or that but my neighbor’s sin is greater than mine!” Or worse yet hide your sin and sit on high posts judging the sins of others. Not only do you not see fairly, it makes you a Pharisee. We’ve all dealt with Pharisees. They are on our jobs, in our churches and even in our homes. Pharisees were typically self-righteous and legalistic, flaunting their own "good works" before others to make themselves appear superior. Jesus referred to them many times as hypocrites. One of one Jesus’ most powerful dealings with a Pharisee is in Luke 7:36-50. While being anointed by the woman with the alabaster box, this was posed to Simon “Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?” Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.” “That’s right,” Jesus said. I’m saying this to say, if you are giving God your very best and I do mean your absolute best, it matters not at all what others say. He knows! No one can judge you but Him! There are planks in the eyes of men! They judge you by their limited sight but God sees all. Good and bad. We can’t hide from him! In John 8:1-7 deals with the woman caught in the act of adultery. In an attempt to have cause to accuse Jesus the Pharisees tempted Him citing the Law of Moses stating women caught in adultery should be stoned to death. “So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” One by one they left for no one is without sin. Acts 3:19 says “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” The definition of repent is: to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one's life. Repentance and faith in the blood of Jesus Christ result in total forgiveness and remission of sin.
So will you continue to say to yourself “fair I see” or will you remain a Pharisee?

In Love With Love

I was just thinking about something that some of us think a lot about and others not enough. Brace yourselves, I may be a minute. Did you know there are several forms of love? Even if we don't know the proper names for them most of us can only account for two. The love between a man and a woman and the love between a mother/father and child. A family love.
Eros is the first form of love that the average person thinks of and it's simply a passion driven physical and emotional love founded upon aesthetic enjoyment. It is the stereotype of romantic love. It's the love between man and woman. It's the topic of a many song, a many book and a many motion picture. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones commonly known as chick flicks. This is the one that society insinuates we should long for and let's face it a many of us do. Who wouldn't want to share in a love where there is passion. Physical and emotional. Love that is enjoyable to both parties. Love that puts butterflies in the tummy and a Porsche in the heart. The most talented writer and director can spin you a tale that will make you believe in that. A tale. The tale that love is easy. That if two people love each other they may have a mishap or two but everything will work out perfectly for them. But we fail to realize that the telling of that tale is made up of a series of retakes, bloopers, sweat and hard work. Hardly easy and definitely not perfect.
Ludus is the love that is played as a game or sport. A conquest. Meaning it's just a series of challenges won. The Taming Of The Shrew comes to mind. This love seeks to bend another to it's will. A game of who will win. If you're thinking as I am, you're asking yourself how this can be considered as love. Well in our world it isn't but trust me when I say there are others that can totally relate and this is their perfect love. I personally can't relate but I see it in a many relationship. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones where you can't for the life of you figure out why that woman is with that man when mostly everything he does is meant to break her like a wild horse. Maybe it's the woman doing the breaking. I'm not trying to be chauvinistic. These relationships are often abusive. Emotional and sometimes physical. This love lacks respect. The thrill is in the game.
Storge is the love that is affectionate and slowly develops from friendship and is based on similarity. We know this story also. The story where friends become lovers. The story where good friends in search of Eros love realize what they were looking for was right there all the while. They discover commonalities between themselves and realize that together...they just make sense. They know each other. They tend to have seen the good, the bad and the ugly before their romantic relationship developed.
Pragma is the love that is driven by the head not the heart. It's the love that's undemonstrative. The head knows that it would be practical to love this person. It knows that someone else would think that what he/she has is not too bad by most standards. There only one problem. The heart hasn't caught up with the head. This love finds it hard to show love because it isn't heart felt. Where Eros is passionate Pragma is the opposite. It is devoid of such things. It goes through the motions.
Mania is the love that is highly volatile. It's obsessive and energized by low self-esteem. This is the deadly love. The love that kills maims and destroys. The love that is often tragically featured on the news. The love to be avoided, not embraced.
Agape is the selfless altruistic love. It's the motherly love. The spiritual love. It's the love that a mother or father has for their child. It's the love God has for us and by far the most valuable. Not valuable in a monetary sense but in a sense that it's unconditional. 1 Corinthians 4-8 says "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." Imagine if you can for a second being the recipient of that kind of love. No judgement. It's yours and you don't even deserve it. Freely given. God loves us like that. It's the only perfect love. It's the love He wants us to have for each other.
Anyone reading this can relate to one or more of these forms of love. Hopefully you don't fall into the negative categories. I've said all this to say this. Most of us long for love. You may yearn for that motherly/fatherly love. I'm here to tell you to yearn no more. God loves you. Even if you feel as if not another soul in this world does. He loves you through your imperfections, sin and shortcomings.
You may yearn for the kind we read in the romance novels and see in the movies. It's wonderful the notion that two people are so much in love that it catapults them past peril and disappointment in a couple of chapters or a couple of scenes. But the truth is love is much more than that. It takes work to maintain. No one is the same way everyday. There will be bad moods, mistakes, missteps, anger and angry words. I'm not downing love. Nor am I saying that it's impossible or unreal. Hey I read the books and see the movies too and I love the idea that two people can love each other that much that there is always a happy ending and I love all the romanticism along the way. Just be sure you're not just in love with love.

Worthless Check

I was just thinking about the times in my life I've felt like a worthless check. Written with sincerity and at face value only to return stamped "insufficient funds." Perhaps you can relate, perhaps not. If so here are some words of encouragement. It's odd because through it all you feel like yourself. Everything that you were yesterday you still are today. To you. In retrospect that fundamentally says it all. To you. In being true to yourself you found self worth, self respect and a love for yourself. You recognized something that was not only valuable to you but more so to others. Worth. Honest to God and man worth. Now there are exceptions to every rule. If people constantly told you that you walked like a duck and quacked like a duck you would have to ascertain that you were a duck. Or another way of putting that is how my grandmother would have said it, "everybody ain't lying." In those case you'll have to do a self diagnostic to find where the problem lies because there is a good probability that it lies within you. There will be the other times. The times when the people you know, the people you love and the people you respect will fail to see your worth or your worth is insufficient by their standards. Your differences depreciate your value. I've come to believe that for the most part, it's not done maliciously. Everyone has a basic need to be understood. Most feel that the people who are most like them will understand them better than those who are not. Those that are the closest to them are targeted first for assimilation. Sadly not much thought is given to your thoughts or feelings. It is because of your attachment to them whatever it may be that it is assumed that you will just...conform. This is not a twelve step program on what to do about that. Just a simple three things to remember. Know it when you see it. Love yourself as God loves you. Know with every fiber of your being that you could NEVER be a worthless check. Jesus paid it all to assure that.

Born From Pain

I was just thinking, pain is as much a part of living as breathing. It is true that we as a people respond to pain in different ways. Some of us can take our pain and use it in useful and positive ways. We can use it as a form of expression. When looked upon by others it may seem clever or easy but expressing pain in a positive manner costs. To fully express it, you open your heart and display your soul for possible ridicule...more hurt. I'm reminded of Dr. Maya Angelou's life. Who knew what the sum of being raped at age eight and being mute for six years of would produce? Others take the opposite approach. Their pain breeds more pain. Instead of expressing it they choose infect others. We've all heard the adage "misery loves company." They feel as if, if someone else is experiencing pain they aren't alone in theirs. There are primarily two forms of pain. Physical and emotional. Physical pain can be dealt with on one of two levels. Tolerate it or find a modern medical marvel that will either alleviate or cease it. As I think about physical pain, I'm reminded of Genesis 3:16 which reads... "Unto the woman He said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;..." as a mother I have known no greater physical pain than child birth. The average mother will agree with that statement but with that pain there is nothing more precious than the face of her new born child. Only women more specifically mothers can relate to this so I'll move on. Most everyone has experienced heartache in some aspect. Maybe it was the loss of a loved one or the death of a relationship. Perhaps someone introduced you to pain either by commission or omission or or in other words something they did or did not do. Purposely or not. The thing is that in this life there will be pain. It is as necessary as darkness. I'm saying this to say that without darkness we would be unable to appreciate the light. Without pain we would not be able to fully perceive good times. It's not the pain that defines us but what we do with it. How we overcome it. As I think further, I think of how sad it is that some people can only appreciate God in times of sadness and despair. Even sadder that some can't appreciate Him even then. I'm here to tell you that everyone experiences pain at some point in their lives, don't feel alone in that. I'm also here to tell you that some of the most beautiful things were born from pain.

The Ghost In The Machine

I was just thinking. Have you ever felt disconnected from the rest of the world? Felt like no one understood you so you were discounted as being a part of the human race? You feel invisible. You strive to find a single person that can understand your complexity or your simplicity to no avail. So you're left feeling abnormal, a pariah and in essence a ghost in the machine. Again this is me understanding. I'm among the complex of you. My analytical skills, logic and even my speech to the average person is atypical. To them I'm either thrusting unwanted and unintelligible wit at them or just being difficult. I've often found that defense of myself only leads to further complications. I can also empathize with the simple of you. Not meant to be taken in the derogatory sense but just those of you who aren't at all complex. I can see where the average person can misunderstand you also. We as people tend to be unbelieving of things that are too good to be true. If you're just that easy to figure out then something else must be wrong with you. The need to add more to you is almost irresistible. Aside from the feelings of ostracism and abject loneliness, you question your own propensity in dealing with others. Is this something you unconsciously do to ward off the natives? Are you really everything they say you are or aren't? Well only you can answer those questions. The only thing I can tell you that in my experiences I found that when I remain true to myself, I'm happier. Along the way I've found people who may not completely understand me but they respect who I am. I also have found people who don't understand me and I repel them like opposing magnets. That's the beauty of interpersonal relationships, we aren't the same. We weren't meant to be. In accepting that we're allowed to be ourselves and embrace our differences. I suspect that one day you will come across a person or persons of your kind. Who understands you more so than anyone ever has. It is my hope that one day you will look up and find someone looking at YOU and loving every bit of you. Someone that awes you in their similarities to yourself. In that you will no longer be the ghost in the machine.

Do You See What I See?

I was just thinking. Have you ever been at a place in your life where you look in the mirror and seriously dislike the person you see? Whether it's because you don't like your appearance or because you dislike yourself as a person or something you've done. I know what that feels like. To sit and stare at a person you barely know. Too fat, too skinny, not living right or I really shouldn't have done that. I've been there. Looking at the unrecognizable person staring back at you. Unsuccessfully struggling to see what others saw and filled with self loathing because little in your life is right. Wondering what to do to somehow inject a little beauty into your features, your future, your life. Whether male or female, child or adult, we all have beauty. There is something about us as an individual that is like no one else. A look, a laugh, a thought process, a walk or that little thing that you do that causes someone else to smile outwardly or inwardly. We have all heard the terms "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or one man's trash is another man's treasure" but have you ever thought about exactly what they mean? To be only as beautiful as the person who's looking at you sees you or to have little worth to one person and mean the world to another. I'm saying that to say this, what you see when you stare at yourself may not be what someone else sees. What you find so reprehensible about yourself someone else may adore. That thing that you did...guess what. For ALL have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (Romans 3:23). Even the most beautiful, the most self-satisfied and the most righteous of people are not without sin. Yes God wants us to turn from sin and choose him but you weren't discounted nor disqualified as his beautiful creation because you sinned. I'm not here to deliver a sermon. Just an empathetic person who is writing about something you've thought of in part or wholly. Be we man or woman we all have a certain amount of vanity. We want to be attractive. Most of us aren't greedy, we don't require drop dead gorgeous just...attractive. Someone once said I was beautiful. I believed they thought so but I had to say "I don't see what you see." I was told that I didn't need to, all I had to do is trust that what they saw they could never see in another. From that day to this one it's awe inspiring knowing that someone sees something that surpasses my copious sight. If that is true for me then it is a logical assumption that I am not the first nor will I be the last to have such an experience. With that in mind, the next time you find yourself staring at your reflection in search of beauty just ask yourself...Do you see what I see?